Weird

I think a lot about little hypothetical situations when I walk on my own. Usually I have superpowers or do something breathtakingly courageous and admirable in them since if I'm already setting the rules of the hypothetical I might as well enjoy the ride as much as possible. I doubt this is particular to me, since everyone I've mentioned it to seemed familiar with the idea and it just kinda feels like one of those things everyone does, anyway.

But there's one particular type of hypothesis I always construct, far more than the others. What if I woke up tomorrow at some previous point in my life? With all my memories of the future? Would I pass it off as a dream? Maybe, but it wouldn't be, would it? How would I act on this? For a start I'd have all my knowledge, all my skills that I currently posses. I'd be able to fingerpick guitar and write better, I'd have better experience and more understanding and a more mature outlook. But most importantly I could act on things. Not even rectify mistakes, bar maybe a couple. I think I'd mainly try to intercept the mistakes of others that I could predict with my new found insight before I tried to rectify my own. It would feel oddly presumptious to change my past, but to steer others from things they'd regret later would just feel oddly like giving advice from a newer, more enlightened perspective... and they'd be free to decline it if they chose.

I think I'd mostly rush to where I was now. None of this fucking about, I know who liked me and who didn't; I could rush and whip my Jess off her feet and be a little more brave because I'd know that I could and I'd know that she was scared. I could tell people where they'd find love and give them a swift boot up the ass, I could find people jepordising their happiness and wallowing in misery and give them a hand. I could get people out of places before the bad shit went down and I could steer clear of the places I now know I ought have avoided. But how much good would I do?

I think the good I'd do would be limited to the trust of the people I approached or the subtleness needed. If I need to approach someone straight up with a 'do this' and 'don't do that' then I'd better hope they can trust me, and I'd better hope my judgement is as clear as it seems. On the other hand if I merely need to be somewhere, or not be somewhere or smile in the right place then I think I'd have more chance of doing it right, and less chance of making some poor judgement call because I've only seen the outcome of what has been instead of what could have.

And of course there'd be things I'd need to leave well alone. No matter how frustrating, no matter how cringeworthy to watch the slow crawl of events I'd just have to sit back and hope that some small factor hasn't changed what was about to come to pass.

And I'd have to hope to fuck that there weren't unseen ramifications.







I guess I'm just naturally a meddler. I see something and think 'Oooh, I could fix that,' regardless of how qualified I am in any given field. Especially with people. I think I can fix people, which is a fairly sweeping presumption to make and one that remains even though, by and large, it turns out you can't really fix anyone without their express permission first. I wonder if people have fixed me? I'm sure they probably have at various points, but you kind of forget. It's nice to imagine you've got where you are on your own, so you end up with just this unspecified, immense thankfulness towards people. A kinda ethereal gratitude. Course you can pin it down, if you really try. Even as I've been writing this a few examples popped into my head.

I'm musing aimlessly, not sure why. Anyways, a pleasure as ever. :)

Something more cheery and less philosophically whimsical next time, promise ;)




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